it figures
It does figure. I'm shaking. Right at this moment, trembling. I know who this is in me. I just don't know what you're saying to me. I mean, you went away. So how do I know how to read what you're bringing me anymore? Something triggered this. I don't know what. I feel like you're telling me to let go. Of something, or maybe everything? I'm still shaking..it's not going away completely but since I started typing, it's not as intense. I keep hearing in my head "fix YOURSELF". "forget me". I want to think that it's not what I'm hearing. It makes me cry. Not that I think you're coming back but you're still here goddamn it.
So I'm typing and all that comes out now isn't me. you have my attention. i know, it doesn't have to be perfect...just please don't make me dizzy. okay...so here goes. The reason I'm contacting you is to let you know that you've been on my mind. things are different with me now. I'm in a limbo too. It's not what you think and I remember you. Most of all I remember you. I'm tinking you need to fix yourself becuase something is coming and you know it but you don't listen. you've forgotten what we learned. you have to go back there. you have to get clean and in more ways than one. I don't want to scare you. I love you. you doubted that. Yes...I did doubt it. But you have to let go of the past. You have to get right in your head. stay awake. You know (me) I never quit loving you Jesse. I never let go of anything. I even knew you were getting married. I saw the whole thing. Just get ready Maureen. Just start preparing for something big. Whatever you do, be positive and know it's big but it's good. Don't hate yoursel but start now because you have time but not a lot.
Okay, I'm completely confused....and I'm out of that state now. It's like a message I get in my head and I have to type it out. I think this is the only wa I can keep track of it. I hope to reflect back on this later and know that it's what I thought it was. It always comes from the left. Odd, he was left handed (is left handed) and he always hits me from the left. I don't know what to do but clean. I'm going to go do that now.
That's all I got...I think he's gone.
So I'm typing and all that comes out now isn't me. you have my attention. i know, it doesn't have to be perfect...just please don't make me dizzy. okay...so here goes. The reason I'm contacting you is to let you know that you've been on my mind. things are different with me now. I'm in a limbo too. It's not what you think and I remember you. Most of all I remember you. I'm tinking you need to fix yourself becuase something is coming and you know it but you don't listen. you've forgotten what we learned. you have to go back there. you have to get clean and in more ways than one. I don't want to scare you. I love you. you doubted that. Yes...I did doubt it. But you have to let go of the past. You have to get right in your head. stay awake. You know (me) I never quit loving you Jesse. I never let go of anything. I even knew you were getting married. I saw the whole thing. Just get ready Maureen. Just start preparing for something big. Whatever you do, be positive and know it's big but it's good. Don't hate yoursel but start now because you have time but not a lot.
Okay, I'm completely confused....and I'm out of that state now. It's like a message I get in my head and I have to type it out. I think this is the only wa I can keep track of it. I hope to reflect back on this later and know that it's what I thought it was. It always comes from the left. Odd, he was left handed (is left handed) and he always hits me from the left. I don't know what to do but clean. I'm going to go do that now.
That's all I got...I think he's gone.
posted by maureen at 8:27 PM
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