September 2006 is here....what shall I do

I'm writing some songs and I keep thinking to myself "you're a pussy if you don't finish this stuff and just get it ON!" Rent will be late this month as I'm thrice laid off and soon I WILL be living in a van down by the river. I just have two other cars to get rid of first.

Mom is ill. I think it's the opitates. I give her smoothies, she gives me green vomit. So I had an incredible fantasy of me actually looking GREAT, being happy again and preforming my material. Going on various talk shows to promote my new record but just the like really sad sorry ones that no one listens to because they're the only ones that would have me. I had a fantasy that I got to go crack jokes for a day on Howard Stern and then play some acoustic songs. Now THAT is a fantasy.

See this stress forces me to go out of my own life and create an alternative existance. You know, one where I can pay my rent, buy food and cigarettes. One where the car payment isn't a stressor and my mom has recovered well from what she's been through and now we'll go play tennis at Jerry Seinfeld's in the Hamptons. Oh what a life it could have been.